On Friday September 14th 2012 I was
diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. I had heard of PCOS but
didn’t know much about it until I watched a television programme on which there
was a woman who suffered from the syndrome. Some of the symptoms sounded
similar to symptoms that I had been experiencing for years so I looked up the syndrome
online. The symptoms include: irregular or absent periods; excessive hair
growth; excessive weight gain or difficulty losing weight; severe acne, not
just limited to the face, and cysts on the ovaries. Depression can also be a
symptom of PCOS. I went to my GP and described the symptoms to him, asking him
if it was possible that I had PCOS. My doctor said it was highly likely that I
did have it and so he took some blood to test for it. The first lot of tests
were inconclusive but my GP was fairly certain that I had the syndrome and so
he referred me to an Endocrinologist; a specialist who deals with hormone
disorders including diabetes and PCOS. I saw the Endocrinologist on the 14th
September and he did several tests, as well as a physical examination, before
officially diagnosing me with PCOS.
PCOS
is caused mostly by a hormonal imbalance. The ovaries produce more male
hormones than they should which affects the production of eggs and leads to the
production of lots of little cysts all over the ovaries. PCOS also has an
element of insulin resistance. Women who have the syndrome have an excess of
insulin which increases the production of the male hormones, causing all of the
symptoms. This is also what makes it difficult for women with PCOS to lose
weight because their bodies cannot process sugars and starches properly. The
increased weight, however, also makes the symptoms worse creating a kind of
vicious cycle which is difficult to get out of.
There
are a couple of different treatments for PCOS. The usual treatment is just to
take the contraceptive pill, which increases the levels of female hormone thus
reducing some of the symptoms, however, this doesn’t always work especially for
women with a high insulin resistance factor. A treatment that has become more
frequently offered to women with insulin resistance is a drug called Metformin.
Metformin is traditionally a Diabetes medication, which is why it helps with
the insulin resistance. For women who receive the Metformin treatment, they are
also required to dramatically alter their diets in order to help them lose
weight and to allow the drug to work more effectively.
When
I saw the Endocrinologist in September he decided that the best treatment for
me was the Metformin treatment. Since I saw him, I have been trying to follow
the diet advice I was given, have lost some weight and have noticed some improvement
in a couple of the symptoms. I saw the Endocrinologist again in December and he
seemed pleased enough with the progress I had made, so he said that I wouldn’t
need to see him again until next September, a year after I was first diagnosed.
The diet is sometimes difficult to manage and I’m hoping to see a dietician at
some point to help me get it more under control.
So
far all I’ve written about in this post is factual stuff about Polycystic
Ovarian Syndrome, but one fact I’ve not directly mentioned, the one that scares
me most, is that PCOS can cause infertility. I’ve not written at all about how
being diagnosed with PCOS has made me feel. I have always wanted children. I
have never wanted anything more than to have children one day; a family of my
own. And I have always had this fear, this immense, awful fear, that I won’t be
able to. I used to think that I would never have children, just because I never
thought that any man would want me enough to marry me and have children with
me. But I let myself hope, dream, that maybe actually God would give me a
husband. And then I get told that because of my PCOS I might be infertile;
might never be able to have children. And that thought is almost destroying me.
People keep telling me to try not to worry about it. That I can’t know for
certain that I am infertile until I try for a family and get tested. That I’m
just catastrophising it in my head; creating a problem that may not exist. But
when your life’s hopes and dreams have been almost entirely built on something,
to have even the slightest uncertainty that you will get it… it feels like the
whole world has been ripped out from under you. I feel like my future has been
destroyed and though I’ve been trying not to think like that and to think about
other things I could do in my future, but it feels like there is this massive
black hole in my life that is never going to close. And I can’t help but think
that my life has no purpose, if I’m not able to have children.
Call
me melodramatic. Say I’m over-reacting. But this thing is killing me. And I
just needed to tell the truth. To someone. Anyone. Everyone. I’m scared.
Terrified. I just want to have children.
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